


One Last Time; Losing Light

by Cutewarmachine



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Antisepticeye Sean McLoughlin, Death, Depression kinda?, Dreams and Nightmares, For SpARkLeS!, Heartbreaking, Hospitalization, Illness, Implied Sexual Content, Janti - Freeform, Kinda short tbh??, M/M, One Last Time - Jaymes Young, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-01 08:11:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13994139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cutewarmachine/pseuds/Cutewarmachine
Summary: Sometimes, we have to say goodbye... Sometimes we’re forced to...Sometimes, it’s all in our heads.





	One Last Time; Losing Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blakesparkles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakesparkles/gifts).
  * Inspired by [One Last Time](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/364236) by Jaymes Young. 



Anti couldn’t believe how lucky he was, the fact he had Jack, that he _loved_ him. He couldn’t believe it. The two had a weird dynamic for years, the other egos trying to get the brown-haired man to get rid of the glitch for good and ‘make everything better’. He never expected for Jack to get drunk and stumble into his room, then demand that Anti take care of him, then later on confess to having feelings for him while under the effects of the whiskey. 

If he was honest, he would’ve sworn that Jack was lying if it hadn’t been for the man waking up in the morning and kissing him awake, which lead to a day that the glitch would never forget. He was over the moon now, cuddling close to his human and kissing his shoulder with a happy smile. They had told the others of their relationship and while they didn’t take it well, they said that they would respect the two in their relationship and anything that may or may not follow.

Jack made him happy, so so happy. It was like nothing would ever come between them. All the late night kissing and nights tangled in sheets with their noises echoing in the empty house, panting heated breaths that didn’t level out until both were truly spent. Anti was honestly in heaven. He had told Jack that this was perfect, nothing could ever touch this moment.

Then, it happened. It started with a cold, simple enough, Jack had to take a little break and rest, Henrik and Anti mothered him the whole time and there wasn’t a point where they thought it could get any worse. Then right as he started showing signs of making a full recovery, Jack’s fever spiked well past what it should. It was slow, weeks of being ill turned to months, different doctors and hospitals, treatments that he couldn’t pronounce half the time and not a single one was helping his Human.

Four months in and Jack had to be on assisted breathing and feeding. Anti watched as he grew pale, his eyes losing their vibrance and the way he no longer looked like he had any energy. It scared him, to see his sunshine grow pale and fade. All Jack wanted was for the fans to be taken care of, for Anti and the others to be healthy and happy, but every time he would go to sleep he begged Anti to stay.

’ _Just One Last Time, please don’t leave me alone_.’ he wrote on his little pad, tears running down hollowed cheeks. Out of all Jack’s fears, this was the biggest one, to die alone in a hospital. Every night it was the same thing, over and over. 

Months turned to years, Anti never left his side. Not once did he leave. All his time was spent with his boy, watching him get better and see the hope in his eyes shine victoriously only to be broken and shattered when something else went wrong. His entire systems were shutting down. 

Four years in and Seàn McLoughlin, his ever shining star, had to be placed on life support.

He still didn’t leave.

Not even when he watched his boy’s heartbeat fade and his blue eyes turn to glass. Not when he was pronounced dead at seven-fifteen in the morning. Anti never left his side, holding onto him and whispering that it was okay, they were okay, this was all just a bad dream. He told him that the past years had all been a bad dream.

He was right. It was all a bad dream.

* * *

 

“Anti! Wake up! Yeh’re droolin all over my couch again!” Jack’s voice rang out, the Irishman towering over the drowsy glitch. At first, Anti wanted to reach up and kiss him, then he noticed something.

Jack had green hair, it was just after Halloween, he could tell since there was red make up stuck to his neck from where he faked slitting his throat for Anti to come in. For a moment he thought it was when he did killing JSE, but he couldn’t be sure. He sounded so different... younger. 

But _alive_.

“H-How lo-long was I a-a-asleep.” He asked, voice glitching heavily like it used to do when he was a new ego, feeling a heavy weight in his chest. “Fookin ages! Yeh looked half dead! Are yeh feelin well, yeh got black tears everywhere-“ 

Jack was cut off by Anti surging up and kissing him, more tears falling as he did only to be pushed away with a noise of panic, causing him to whimper and look at him nearly heart broken.

”I t-thought you h-had died! Y-y-you w-were dead, alone, in the h-h-hospital!” Anti said, panicked and trying to explain himself to his boyfriend incase he was put off by his tears. It took moments for him to truly know what heartbreak was.

”Yeh can’t fookin kiss me- are yeh fookin daft?! An thinkin I was dead ain’t no excuse!!” Jack said heatedly, looking angry and genuinely upset at being kissed. “I have a girlfriend, yeh can’t kiss me- I can’t believe you, jus get tha fook out!” He said, pulling away from the glitch and all but running to lock himself in his room, leaving Anti to stare at the floor in shock, suddenly feeling like his entire world had ended...

The world around him turned into nothing but an explosion of grey and white noise, the sheer agony that attacked his heart feeling like a brick in his chest, pressing against his lungs and sapping his breath from him. He shook his head a few times, trying to wake up again, thinking this was all a nightmare.

It wasn’t...

He should’ve known it was too good to be true, he should’ve fuckin known...

Jack could never love someone like him anyway. He was a fool for thinking otherwise. Anti bolted out the door and fought back a sob, glitching around until he found a spot to crash in, hiding and praying to never be found. His heart had been broken, healed, then broken again, all in a span of a minute. He couldn’t take it, he felt so heavy and miserable, he didn’t want this anymore. He couldn’t take it.

He just wanted to curl up and die before it sunk in and stole his whole world of light.

”I-I-I’m s-sorry...”

* * *

 

He was dreaming again, he knew that now. He knew that because he had his boy again, pulled close to his chest feeling his skin on his. A cigarette being passed between them as Jack talked about his day, the things his did. He knew this was wrong, Jack had just forgave him for the kiss that happened, but in this world Jack was his... and Jack loved him.

His heart was black and blue in his chest from being hurt so many times, every time he dreamed he lost Jack another way to just wake up in a world where his precious little star was never his anyway... nor would he ever be his.

”Anti, I love you.” Jack murmured, causing the glitch to give a small sad smile.

”I love you too, my little star, more than you will ever know.” He whispered, closing his eyes and waking up to tears on his cheeks, alone in his room while noise went on outside his door and across the hall in Jack’s recording room.

Anti was quiet a moment, sitting up and looking to the empty side of his bed and wiping his eyes gently. “I love you.... I miss you already, little star.”


End file.
